By Rabbi Denise: Marking this terrible Yahrzeit (anniversary of death)
A re-post of a beautiful email sent by Rabbi Denise Handlarski of Secular Synagogue about Oct. 7
[The following is a re-post of an email written and sent by Rabbi Denise on the one year anniversary of Oct. 7. I found it powerful, comforting, and validating. So I asked permission to share it here. She graciously agreed. I did not write any of what is below. Scroll down for links to Rabbie Denise and her organizations affiliations.]
Marking this terrible Yahrzeit (anniversary of death)
By Rabbi Denise Handlarski
On this terrible anniversary, with so many of us in immense pain, I wanted to share some thoughts for this October 7th. This is what I wish everyone, Zionist and anti-Zionist would consider. Let's hold each other with care, for we are all grieving and in immeasurable pain.
What has been most heartbreaking to me since October 7th last year, apart from the catastrophic loss of life, is the way in which I see the weaponization of grief and trauma. My fellow Jews cry “never again” while allowing tens of thousands of their neighbours to be killed in the name of their safety. Pro-Palestinian supporters similarly dehumanize Jews/Israelis, celebrating their deaths as meaningful “resistance” in payback for the Nakba and decades of occupation.
The word often used for this conflict is “intractable.” One reason it has been that way is the inability for each side to empathize with and humanize the other. While operating from their own intergenerational trauma, each justifies the unjustifiable. Every time human life is devalued in this way, it makes possible a greater escalation of violence. October 7th is a terrible anniversary of a horrific day of violence, and the ongoing horrific violence that has escalated every since. As we approach this time, in our grief and rage, there are some things I wish those who call themselves Zionists and those who call themselves anti-Zionists would understand about the other side.
Each has a tendency to erase the histories and rightful claims to the territory of the other. Each claims Indigeneity and ancestral connection to the land, while eliding similar claims from the other. Each celebrates “wins” against the other side that cost unimaginable civilian casualties, including sexual violence and the deaths of children, even while those events will certainly engender more violence and casualties amongst the people they love. Each believes that the entire territory belongs to their side and refuses to acknowledge the ongoing cost of the pursuit of that goal.
There are seven million Jews and seven million Palestinians living in Israel/Palestine. Both have ancestral and sacred connections to the territory, with long histories there. A starting point must be that no one is going anywhere; indeed, these people have nowhere else to go. It is easy to be in our outrage and grief here, fanning the flames of an ideological war, while the people living there are often begging us to help reach a compromise. The hostage families, Gazan citizens, people in the West Bank, the Jews evacuated from the border with Lebanon, most of these people simply want all of this violence to stop.
Whether the eventual resolution lies in a two-state solution, a one-state solution, or a confederation of some kind (I personally espouse the plan of the Palestinian/Jewish-led organization A Land for All), there will be no liberation or “total victory” (in Netanyahu’s framing) coming from the dehumanization of the other. Jewish and Palestinian security and freedom are intertwined.
The above is not to create a false equivalence between the power, death toll, or any other facet of this situation. This is to show how both sides often mirror each other in their willingness to erase history and complexity and, most disheartening of all, dehumanize the other while forgiving murderous rhetoric and actions from "their side.”
I wish we could stop seeing this as a conflict with two sides. The pain of a parent who lost a child on October 7th, and the pain of a parent who lost a child to an Israeli air strike, are exactly the same. I am exhausted by slogans, posturing, self-righteousness, and quippy take-downs of people who are in pain. The grief, trauma, and suffering on all sides of this are immeasurable. The more we refuse to see the pain of the other, the more that pain gets weaponized into violence. The true tragedy of this year is that there is no community better suited to understanding the Jewish histories of exile, oppression, and trauma than Palestinians, and vice versa. We are neighbours, we are siblings, and we need to find a way to live beside each other both in Israel/Palestine and in the diaspora.
I wish Zionists would understand:
It is possible to love Israel, and want to ensure a Jewish future there, and still condemn the actions of Netanyahu and this siege on Gaza. There are seven million Palestinians living there, and they aren't going anywhere. No Jewish future can be based on the attempted exile, erasure, or annihilation of Palestinians.
While many Jews see Israel's creation as a Jewish state as a return to our ancestral homeland, and the only answer to centuries of exile, oppression, and murder (very real histories), we can also acknowledge the Nakba, that Palestinians were in the land and the creation of Israel was catastrophic to them, that their experience of it was the experience of a double colonization (British and Jewish), and that the trauma of this continues.
The keffiyeh, slogans like "from the river to the sea, Palestine will be free," campus organizing etc are not attacks on Jews and are not inherently antisemitic. While antisemitism does show up in these movements sometimes, at their core they really are about freedom. A great number of Jews participate in these protests, far more than the organized, mainstream Jewish community cares to recognize.
It is extraordinarily painful when such Jews are called self-hating, or even referred to as Kapos (Jews who were made to help the Nazis carry out their atrocities)
There are millions of Jews who are protesting this assault on Gaza, and are seeking a peaceful solution with Palestinians, who feel betrayed by the protestors here who, in relative comfort and safety, are unwilling to compromise to reach a deal, are unwilling to criticize the expansion of settlements, and will decry any move that could lead to peace. No one wins when both sides want the whole territory.
Israelis deserve much better leadership than Netanyahu, who has abandoned the calls of hostage families to reach a deal, and who is enshrining his own power on the backs of his own people.
Our peace and security as a Jewish community, in Israel and in the diaspora, are bound up with peace and security for Palestinians. The current situation, with constant rocket fire, sirens, bomb shelters, and the looming threat of a repeat of October 7th, is an untenable way to live. What has happened over the last year will never result in "total victory." We can never fully get rid of Hamas militarily, and the actions of the past year, and the decades of Israeli oppression of Palestinians before it, have only radicalized the people who have witnessed and experienced immeasurable suffering. Every act of violence against Palestinian civilians gets revisited on Israeli civilians. We have to care about Palestinian safety if we want to ensure Jewish safety.
As we approach the dreadful anniversary of October 7th, we need to mark the profound suffering of Palestinians this year, as well as our own deep Jewish mourning.
I wish anti-Zionists would understand:
There are many Jews who love Israel, and want to ensure a Jewish future there, and that does not inherently make them genocide supporters. Most Jews identify as Zionists (the term means many different things to different people). There are seven million Jews living there, and they aren't going anywhere. No Palestinian future can be based on the attempted exile, erasure, or annihilation of Jews.
The land that is now Israel/Palestine is the Jewish ancestral homeland. Jews did not suddenly turn up in 1948. While it is true that the Zionist project was and is a colonial project, Jews are both settlers and not settlers in the region. Many Jews came from exile and many did not, with thousands of years of history in that place. Many who did come later came as refugees. Just as you would not want to expel the descendants of refugees here, it is absurd to want to expel them there. Even if we do not agree with the way the state of Israel was created, there can be no return to a mythical past where Jews do not exist in the region. The trauma of our centuries of exile and the genocides against us continues.
Protesting for a free Palestine is not inherently antisemitic. It is very common to hear "not all anti-Zionism is antisemitism," and I agree. I also believe there is more antisemitism than many protestors would like to believe. Like all forms of oppression, it is sometimes overt and sometimes subtle. Are you participating in an erasure of Jewish history and its ties to the land? Are you subscribing to views that perpetuate antisemitic tropes about power, such as how Jews control the government, media, etc.? Do you hold individual Jews and Israelis in Canada responsible for the actions of the Israeli government? Do you target Jewish celebrations, places of worship, and communal events that have nothing to do with Israel? These are ways antisemitism shows up in the movement, and if there is no space to call it out or discuss it, then that itself is also antisemitic.
It is extraordinarily painful when you compare Jews with Nazis. It is a way to weaponize Jewish trauma and it is not helpful to the cause.
There are a great many Palestinians who are seeking a peaceful solution with Israel, and who feel betrayed by the protestors here who, in relative comfort and safety, are unwilling to compromise at all on the goals of having the entire land belong to Palestine. No one wins when both sides want the whole territory.
Hamas is not "the resistance," they are themselves genocidal and their values could not hold less in common with leftist values, including deep misogyny, homophobia, and religious fundamentalism. They use their own people as human shields and prioritize destroying Israel over sustaining their own people. Palestinians deserve better leadership.
The peace and security of Palestinians are bound up with Jewish Israelis. Celebrating the deaths of Jewish civilians and soldiers, even the gamification of such deaths, is terrifying for Jews, and only has the effect of making many Jews more Zionist. The current situation of Palestinians living behind a wall, with draconian security measures and insufficient resources, cannot possibly be lifted while threatening further violence. Every act of violence against Jewish civilians gets revisited on Palestinian civilians. We have to care about the safety of Jews and Israelis if we want to ensure Palestinian safety.
As we approach the dreadful anniversary of October 7th, we need to acknowledge that this is a day of profound Jewish mourning, even while we mark a year of catastrophic Palestinian suffering.
I wish we could stop seeing this as a conflict with two sides. The pain of a parent who lost a child on October 7th, and the pain of a parent who lost a child to an Israeli air strike, are exactly the same. I am exhausted by slogans, flags, posturing, hypocrisy, self-righteousness, and quippy take-downs of people who are in pain. The grief, trauma, and suffering on all sides of this are immeasurable. The true tragedy of this year is that there is no community better suited to understanding the Jewish histories of exile, oppression, and trauma than Palestinians, and vice versa. We are neighbours, we are siblings, and we need to find a way to live beside each other both in Israel/Palestine and in the diaspora.
Rabbi Denise’s links:
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